Purgatory
by TheLastMaleNeko
Summary: Steven has been having a hard time. After he nearly lost his dad to the zoo, he's been getting worse and worse. Eventually things reach a breaking point. NOTE: This is my first story, so Please read and offer helpful criticism. DISCLAIMER: Does speak of topics along the lines of self harm, depression, and suicide. If you can't handle that, then please don't read it.


**DISCLAIMER: This is my first story. Ever. This is just a small test, to see how I do with writing. If it's bad, and you all hate it, I'll just take it down, and never write again. If you like it though, I may write more. Feedback is both welcomed and encouraged. I hope you enjoy my shite story and that you'll give me some advice to help me improve. Now then, onto the story.**

Darkness. That's what Steven saw. Just unfathomable darkness everywhere. Not the type of darkness that one would encounter by switching off a light, this was something different. This darkness had a...a weight to it, a physical presence that Steven could sense. Or could he? Thinking, Steven realized he couldn't move, or even feel his body for that matter. He couldn't even tell whether or not his eyes where actually open.

' _Where...where am I?_ ' Steven said, talking to no one. Was he even talking, or was he just thinking the words? Did it really matter anymore? He had no answers. Grasping, he tried to think about what happened, trying to remember anything that would help him. As hard as he tried though, he couldn't conjure up any helpful memories. For that matter, he couldn't recall any memories at all.

Steven remained trapped like this for an indeterminable amount of time, unable to remember anything other than his name. He could have been trapped like that for years, or it could have been for just a few seconds. Time was irrelevant in that place of darkness and shadows. Eventually though, after what felt like a lifetime of nothing, something finally changed. Steven could suddenly hear a voice! No...not a voice...it was...crying. Someone was crying, someone female, someone very, very far away. Steven felt he knew the voice, but he just couldn't place it, no matter how hard he tried. The sobbing went on and on and on, a testament to some horrible ordeal someone was going through. Then, the sobbing girl finally spoke, and Steven recognized the voice.

"Steven...why? Why did you...why did you do this to yourself?" It was Connie! Steven suddenly remembered everything about her, he remembered her laugh, and her smile, and their many adventures together. His memories appeared in front of him, beaming lights in the darkness that had surrounded him for so long. He saw them and felt...happy. Then he began to think. Why would Connie be crying? And what did he do? What...what happened?

He strained his brain, putting all effort into remembering. Suddenly, he pushed past some barrier in his mind, and the memories came rushing back, a tsunami of emotions and thoughts. After nearly losing his dad forever, he'd lapsed into a deep depression. It'd become too much for him. The gems, his parents, his uncertain future...it finally got to him. He spent an entire year, slipping deeper and deeper, but acting as though nothing was wrong. He didn't want people to worry about him, so he hid the growing sadness within himself. He even started cutting at one point, trying to gain control over himself. After he cut that first time, he became addicted. The feeling of a blade, slicing his arms open, the sensation of finally being in control...he was hooked. Everytime he did it, he was careful to heal himself afterwards. No one noticed. No one noticed for an entire year.

Over time though, the cutting helped less and less. He started slipping deeper again, and in his sadness, he became reckless. He stopped healing himself after he cut, and he did it more often. Still, he only cut places that his shirt and places easily covered. This time, he only had a few months of no one noticing, before his secret finally came out.

He and Connie were training together. It was a simple exercise, all they had to do was eliminate twenty Holo-pearls. It should've been easy for them, but Steven was weak from his cutting and the resultant blood loss. He made a simple enough mistake, but that was all it took. He made a misstep, and a Holo-pearls sword sliced open his shirt, exposing his wounds in broad daylight to Connie. She looked at him, too shocked to speak, with tears streaming down her face. Before she could speak, Steven ran off as fast as possible, not even paying attention to where he was going.

When he stopped, he was on the hill with the light house. He went to the edge of the cliff and sat down, his feet dangling over the edge. He peered over the edge, thinking of only one thing. He'd been thinking about this for awhile now, but hadn't wanted to hurt anyone. Now that his secret was out though, he saw that as his only option. He quickly texted Connie, saying only one thing: _I'm sorry._ As he hit send, he stood, faced the horizon, took a deep breath of the salty sea air, then leaned forward, willing himself to be as heavy as possible. As soon as he hit the ground, everything had went black, and he'd woken up where he was now, in that very same inky darkness, trapped in purgatory. His human body had died, but his gem still held his consciousness.

 _'Wait,'_ Steven thought _, 'I'm...I'm a gem! I can reform! But should I?'_ He could still hear Connie crying. ' _I have to. For Connie. My life matters...to her, and to my dad, and to the crystal gems! They need me!'_ Filled with energy, Steven devoted all his will power on a mental image of himself, and willed his gem to recreate him as he once was. Slowly, a soft pink glow pushed away the darkness. Trying even harder, they light grew and grew. Then, with a final effort, a burst of pink destroyed the darkness, and then...

 **THE END**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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